Rose Coloured Glasses
So a bit of context/background.. 🙂
I've been describing myself as being 'detached' for a while now and I know it may come off as being dismissive or shutting out everything but it's not that binary - at least not entirely.
It took a while before I landed on that word because I really didn't have one for the way I felt, feel and to be honest, probably always will.
I remember when I first realised that there are these 'rules' set by society and 'the powers that be' and if you wanted to be a part of them you'd have to play by these 'rules' and only these 'rules'.
"rules for thee but not for me"
Before that moment, I was gladly playing by them, actually trying to find my place within that arena of play and hoping my abiding by the 'rules' would get me a spot on the team, and it felt great being part of the team, they really make it seem like it's the best thing to do and I didn't even care which team just as long as I was in one - nobody really wants to be left out right?
And that's the thing isn't it, the fear of being left out, not being a part of something, being made an outcast and made to feel like absolute shit because of it.
Now don't get me wrong, I really do enjoy being alone, I've always been good with solitude but that doesn't mean one doesn't get lonely and let me tell you Maina.. the feels can really get to you.
I truly believe that we are a social species and do need community and interaction in the many forms it comes in but not for the sake of 'fitting in' because that's how you lose so much of yourself, what you believe in, what you know is right, the things and people you care about - just so much loss for the sake of 'fitting in'.
So, back to the point about being detached - it's kind of like unplugging(The Matrix anyone?).
The way I see it is we are attached by a multitude of connecters to the fuckery all around us, the facade, the lies, the hate, societal pressures, misguided politics, religion etc, and the goal is to try, where possible, pulling them out one by one because even just one disconnect makes a difference - and usually for the better because that now gives you room to tap into the things that truly matter to you, those around you and the world at large.
I guess once I got a look behind the curtain and realised just how fucked everything is and that we are simply pawns in someone else's game. There was no going back, no way to unsee the fuckery and I was completely disillusioned with the status quo, so, I kept going - disconnect, unplug, detach, disconnect, unplug, detach.
A life long journey filled with scars, as every pull takes a little of you with it - kinda like the spots on a potato. #Twinsies 😄
~ 🐨
come along with me and the butterflies and bees - Ashley Eriksson